Building Momentum

How’s life treating you, NIP?

            Well, I hope. If I were facing my current circumstances about 3 years ago, I probably would have had a meltdown by now. Life has been throwing just about everything possible at me the last few weeks and I sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to keep up the juggling without dropping something. In the last month my grandmother has passed, we found out that one of our dogs is terminally ill, we lost one of the feral cats we have taken care of for the last 3 years, and school has been out of control with formal observations, evaluations, trying to keep up with my new courses…the list could go on forever. I’m sure you’ve experienced something similar in your life at some point, NIP, which is why I feel this letter’s subject is so crucial. Even in the midst of life’s most hectic stretches of time, we must still continue to better ourselves. Though it may be more difficult to fit in that quality time to develop ourselves, we must find a way to keep building our momentum.

            This past summer was quite a high point in my recent life; I got to spend nearly every single moment with my best friend and lovely wife, Erin. Being that we’re both teachers and have the essentially the same schedule, most summers have offered us this opportunity. And when you add in our long daily yoga practices together, I felt as if we grew tremendously as both individuals and a couple. We both approached the new academic year with excitement and energy, but quickly realized after a few weeks of school that this year was going to be challenging. Between the new classes for me and Erin’s new students, we were initially overwhelmed. After a few weeks it seemed to be getting better, but Mémère’s passing marked the beginning of the tumultuous times that Erin and I have been facing. And yet as crazy as some of the days have been, I always manage to find some small victory among the rubble of chaos. That’s the secret, NIP; always be on the lookout for the tiny accomplishments that propel you in the direction of that better person you want to become.

            While the transformations we seek in ourselves will not happen instantly, they are worth the struggle. The important thing is to never quit on your personal growth, to keep striving toward that better person you know you are capable of becoming. Over time you’ll discover that as you chip away at your magnum opus, your life’s work of art, the image that begins to emerge from the stone will drive you even more. As anyone who has ever created anything will tell you—whether created through words, paint, music, wood, plants, whatever—that moment of creation when you begin to see the results of your dedication and diligence is incredibly gratifying. It is the same with our personal development; in those moments when we realize we were more patient or generous or whatever other quality you’ve tried to cultivate, it is a victory over our old ways, our old selves. And it is precisely these moments that allow us to build momentum. Just as the word implies, the more momentum we generate, the easier it is to move forward in with our undertaking of becoming the best of who we are.

            As we continue to build this momentum in our lives, it has a hidden benefit of which I was completely unaware until these past few weeks. When life gets out of control, the momentum we’ve built holds us steady internally. We may be slogging along to some degree through life on the outside, but the momentum we’ve harnessed gives us the energy and perseverance to see us through to another day, to keep striving toward that ceaseless goal of discovering the best of who we are. By being aware of even the most minute of personal victories, this keeps that momentum churning. And so long as that momentum churns, we have enough energy in reserve to press on in our quest. Life may have a way of dampening our spirits when there is so much to do in so little time, but we must be sure to take time and check in with ourselves. Even if it is just by stopping for five minutes to close our eyes and do some deep breathing, it helps. The momentum that is built in better times will inevitably carry you through the difficult ones, NIP. Our inner fire will blaze at times, smolder during others. The important thing is that we are mindful of the fire—and stoke it when necessary to keep it burning.

Keep building your momentum, NIP…

- Ryan

Year of the Mantra

Greetings NIP,

            I just recently finished another inspirational read: Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. I still haven’t gotten around to actually watching the lecture, but I’d imagine it’s excellent. The premise of the book is that Carnegie-Mellon professors whose careers/contributions been have particularly noteworthy are asked to give a “last lecture,” a chance to answer the hypothetical question “if you were to give a last lecture, what would it be about?” Pausch—a computer science guy with terminal pancreatic cancer—certainly pulled no punches with his. The book is a detailed account of what went into making the speech, his family life, the lessons learned through his illness, and the values he holds dear among other topics. And while there were many memorable lines in the book, the one that has stuck out the most in my mind is both simple and profound:

Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.

As I’ve mentioned in previous letters, I believe that the battle for becoming the best of who we are—of maximizing our individual potential—is won in the mind. By taming the undisciplined mind, we become the architects of our dreams. We learn that we might not be able to control all of the external circumstances of our lives, but we do have much control over how we react to them. There are lots of ways to accomplish this acceptance, from meditation to cognitive behavioral therapy. But one way that most people often overlook is repetition.

Whether you’re talking about lifting weights, memorizing definitions, playing a musical instrument it takes practice, practice, practice. And what happens through practice, through repetition? We get better at whatever it is we are trying to improve. So why don’t we try to improve the way that we think? It’s easier than you’d suspect, NIP. All you need to do is create a mantra. In the traditional sense, a mantra is a short prayer that is repeated over and over until it becomes engrained in the fabric of one’s spirit. In a contemporary, slightly more secular sense, a mantra can be a short, affirmative statement that is repeated over and over until it becomes automatic in the mind. If you recall the letter “Gratitude for the Here and Now,” you may remember my gratitude mantra that I created around the time of my 35^th birthday: I am grateful for this life, I am grateful for this day, I am grateful for this moment, I am grateful for this breath, I am grateful. Well, after repeating this to myself several times per day for more than a year, I can attest firsthand that it works. This mantra is usually the first thoughts to enter my mind when I wake in the morning. Then, when I get to my mat for yoga in the morning, I repeat it again during the first five dirgha breaths I take while standing in tadasana. And now that I’ve taught my students the dirgha breathing technique, I find myself repeating the mantra as each class starts. And the more I say it, the more I feel it inside and show it outside.

There’s lots of great research being done in the fields of cognitive science, neurology, and contemplative studies currently, and as our knowledge of the mind increases I think humanity will be able to unlock even further untapped potential. The mind is our most powerful ally in how we perceive ourselves and our world, but it can also be our greatest enemy if we let it run amok. By beginning with a mantra, we start small. But through the repetitive practice, we literally change our minds over time. Little by little, the thought makes itself manifest in our actions. These actions only reinforce the thought in a reciprocal process and before you know it becomes a part of you. So what will be your mantra, NIP? It doesn’t have to be 5 lines like mine, it can be just one if you’d like. What’s more important is that you choose something personal, perhaps a quality you want to cultivate or an affirmation of a goal you hope to accomplish. Whatever you choose you must then tell yourself with conviction, several times a day. If you are beginning or currently have a meditation practice, perhaps you could repeat your mantra as a focal point. It may take time before it becomes routine, but once it does it begins to take on a life of its own and before you know it you'll think and feel like a new person.

The benefits await, NIP!

- Ryan

P.S. – I would just like to make a blanket statement of “thank you” to all who read the previous letter and either emailed to express their condolences or wrote letters to family members. Life certainly has been crazy lately and I wish I could write more, but I needed to write this brief letter today to share my gratitude for all of you—my readers—for making this a worthy endeavor. As one of my students recently pointed out in an essay, “to help even one, single, solitary person” would be fulfilling—so I really appreciate the few who continue to find a source of strength in these letters. We are all ultimately in this life together—I’m just trying to do my part to pass on the little wisdom I have gained thus far in this incredible experience. Thanks again everyone…Namasté!

An Epistolary Request

Dearest Nobody in Particular,

            If you’ve been reading these letters for a while, you know how I feel about life—it’s amazing. Every day after waking, I begin with my gratitude mantra and am so thankful to engage in this miraculous experience once again. As incredible as all of this beauty may be, we all know that life is also precarious. This is precisely the reason I began cultivating this disposition toward life and the world a few years ago, because we have no guarantee of how much time we have. While it may seem rather macabre to reflect on our mortality in this way, it is freeing in the sense that by grappling and facing our finitude we learn to revel in the present moment more and more. We learn to love life in its entirety. Yes, there will be both good and bad times, but I personally believe we need to experience the entire emotional spectrum in order to be fully human. But it is also how we put life’s challenges into perspective that gives us the humility to understand our place in this world, grow as a person from these setbacks, and carry on in the aftermath of tragedy.

            This past week I lost my maternal grandmother; “Mémère” as our French-Canadian side of the family called her. It was tough to keep it together at school for the two days before I left. I chose not to tell my students because I didn’t want them to be distracted, but I think some of them could tell that I wasn’t quite right even though I did my best to conceal the sadness that weighed heavily upon my heart. On Thursday after school, I penned a rather long request on my whiteboard to fulfill as an assignment on Friday while I was away in Rhode Island at the funeral. As you know by now, NIP, I am a fan of letters. In our hurried lifestyle of incessant information and terse communication, I lament that fact that this form of dialogue has been lost. Though I try to “tweet” at least a small positive statement each day, it is difficult to convey something meaningful through such a medium. Letters, however, allow us to express ourselves deeply and in a way that is personal and heartfelt, which is why I left my students an assignment to write an important missive.

            While I set no specific parameters on length, I did narrow their focus by asking the students to write to one person. And not just any one person, a family member. As I mentioned in my Mémère’s eulogy, the most sacred aspects of life for me are family and love, which are obviously complementary. My grandmother and her home were a safe haven for me during many tumultuous times, especially in childhood. She was an archetypal grandmother, a nurturing soul who was the embodiment of love. She meant a great deal to me and I will miss her always, so the opportunity to write and read the eulogy was not only an honor but a personal goodbye from me to her in some sense. When I asked my students to write a letter to a family member, then, I had many of these ideas in mind. Life is sacred yet ephemeral. I told my students that they should not just write a letter to a family member, but one with whom they are close but perhaps don’t often have the chance to see or speak with. Additionally I asked each of them to not only tell this person how much s/he means to him or her, but to express how the letter recipient had impacted the student’s life in a positive way. The last part of the request involved the students actually mailing the letter the old fashioned way to the family member they had chosen. Even if it were addressed to a parent (or parents), I stipulated that they must acquire postage and drop it in the mail. It seems like the only mail I get nowadays is junk mail and bills, so to be greeted by a heartfelt letter with a full expression of gratitude for that person’s guidance, wisdom and love would be something special for the recipient. Plus, it is better than simply saying it to someone as that person can keep the letter if s/he so desired.

            So now it’s your turn, NIP. I am passing along this small epistolary request to you. Who is it in your life that deserves a letter? The people who come to mind will undoubtedly be older than you and come from a generation that remembers and appreciates letters. To receive something like that unexpectedly in the mail would not only brighten his/her day, but give that person a treasured keepsake as well. And you don’t necessarily have to stop at just one letter. If there are several people with whom you need to communicate, take the time to pen notes to all of them. We never know how long these people will be in our lives, so don’t let this opportunity pass by you and your loved one. Think about how the person in question made a difference in your life and thank him or her for it. Your gratitude and love may even surprise someone who is in need of an emotional pick-me-up and make a larger impact than you can imagine. As I told my students on my whiteboard, I have no way of checking on them to see if they fulfilled my request—just as I have no idea of how many people may read this letter and not bother. But I urge anyone who is reading this now, take the time to tell someone not only how much you love that person but why you do. As unpredictable as life can be, you never know when this opportunity will have passed you by until it is too late. Please fulfill this request, NIP; perhaps that person will do it for someone else in turn.

Keep expressing your love, NIP…

- Ryan

P.S. – If any of the Ward family members read this, I would just like to thank each and every one of you for the opportunity you gave me this Friday. Mémère meant a great deal to us all, and I know we shall treasure her memory forever. As I told Mémère in a letter when Rose passed away, by keeping our memories alive in our hearts, the loved ones who pass on before us will forever remain alive and, in some sense, immortal.

Back to The Essence

How’s life, NIP?

            Great, I hope. Mine is excellent and only seems to get better. School begins today and I can’t wait to get back into the swing of things. Between the new classes, meeting new students and teachers, and the overall excitement for the content itself (philosophy and world religions), this is perhaps the most anticipated year of my teaching career. I can’t wait to dialogue with young minds about big ideas, the ones that are perhaps the most important with which to wrestle and yet seem to be largely ignored in our daily living. Paul Tillich, a famous Protestant theologian, dubbed these ideas “questions of ultimate concern,” and I personally believe that they should be engaged on a regular basis as part of our personal growth. These notions are critical because they bring us back to the essence of what it is to live and be a human being.

            While life’s grand questions and ideas are at the heart of the human condition, there is something even more essential to life. If you could name what is most essential in your life besides these concepts, NIP, what would it be? Undoubtedly we might begin to name people who make the largest contribution in our daily lives; a spouse or significant other, a sibling or other family member, or perhaps a best friend. These are necessary insofar as human beings are social creatures by nature, but in an abstract way—they aren’t necessary for physical survival, for life to be sustained. So if one were to reconsider the question in this light, perhaps the conclusion would be food or water. Food, as we know, isn’t quite as important as water; we can live several weeks without food, but only several days without water. But there is still something even more elemental than that: air, oxygen in particular. We all need to breathe, as it is the life-giving oxygen that effectively runs the entire system. What’s more, we can only survive several minutes at most without it. And yet air is the physical necessity to which we pay the least attention.

            Think about your breathing right now, NIP. My guess is that your natural pattern is a shallow one, each cycle of inhalation and exhalation lasting perhaps one second. Even those of us who have made great strides to improve our individual physical well-being through better diet and exercise still could make gains in overall health by learning to breathe deeply and purposefully. In doing so, we maximize the efficacy of the entire human body, which is essentially a miraculous machine that acts as a vehicle for our consciousness and its interactions with external phenomena. Taking time to breathe deeply—even if only a few times a day—will do wonders for our overall health. The real issue, however, is learning to breathe deeply well. Often times, when I suggest to someone to “take a few deep breaths,” that person reacts by heaving their shoulders to the heavens, quickly drawing in a fast (seemingly deep) breath through the nose and usually letting it out through the mouth in an exasperated sigh. Sure it might help a bit, but it is not nearly as effective as slow, methodical breathing.

            The breath is a critical component of yoga, even having its own category in yogic philosophy called “pranayama.” Prana is “energy,” which makes sense in light of needing air to make the entire human machine function, and “yama” is restraint. Therefore in some sense we can think of pranayama as “breath control” or “breath management.” Additionally, there are many types of breathing techniques that one can learn, but the simplest of all is called “dirgha” (deer-ga). Dirgha breathing is slow, measured inhalations and exhalations through the nasal passages. It is generally the first pranayama technique taught to beginning students because it is the safest and easiest to learn. So safe and easy, in fact, that I’m going to give you instructions for how to do it:

Begin by correcting your posture. If you’re reading this while lying down, slumped over in a chair, or any other way than sitting straight up, it won’t be as effective. Next, try to just breathe with your belly. Take a long inhalation trying only to expand the belly outward. In reality, the stomach has nothing to do with breathing, but as your diaphragm pulls down it allows air to rush into the lungs; by distending the belly outward, it creates even more space for air to enter (in the long run, one of the benefits of dirgha is increased lung capacity, which makes this an especially helpful technique to improve cardiovascular function). By trying to fill the belly with air, you’ll undoubtedly notice that your inhalation-exhalation cycle now lasts 2-3 seconds. Once this feels comfortable, begin to let the breath flow all the way upward. Fill the belly, then you’ll feel the ribs expand slightly outward, culminating in the breath coming the very tops of the lungs while gently raising the shoulders. None of this will take conscious muscle movement on your part, NIP; just let the air do the work. Ideally, a full cycle of belly-ribs-collarbones will take 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out. The exhalation should be equally controlled yet relaxed, allowing the breath to collapse the body slightly as it leaves the shoulders, chest, and then the belly. As your lung capacity improves, the full cycle could take perhaps 15 seconds (which means you’ll be taking only 4 breaths in an entire minute). Before reading further, please try this breathing technique on your own for a few moments. Perhaps even close your eyes, allow yourself to relax, and perform dirgha for a full five cycles.

            How do you feel, NIP? My guess is different. Perhaps calm, steady, yet slightly energized. Breathing is a great way to get us back to center when our lives are turbulent. The breath helps us find balance in life’s tumultuous moments and allows us some mental space between external stimuli and our reactions to them. While teaching last year, for instance, I took five dirgha breaths at the beginning of each class. It kept me focused, balanced and gave me that boost of energy I needed right before the next class began. This year, though, I’m passing it on. To whom? The world. To you, NIP, to my students, to my colleagues—to anyone who wants to improve his or her quality of life by taking a few minutes each day to focus on the breath. What’s more, beginning with a simple breathing technique such as dirgha, one could use this as a springboard into a basic mediation practice. As someone who uses secular meditation techniques daily, I can attest to the simplicity and efficiency of them. Books like Rapt and The Winner’s Brain are full of neuroscience’s recent discoveries—particularly neuroplasticity—that extol the virtues of a regular meditation practice. The brain is no different than any other muscle; if worked, it will develop. Even a meditation practice as simple as focusing on one’s breath will work wonders by increasing attentional focus, memory, cognition, etc. The science is there to back it up, and having begun my regular meditation practice nearly two years ago I’ve noticed first hand these improvements in myself. By taking a simple breathing technique and working it into part of a meditation practice, you are not only positively affecting the physical body but your mental state as well.

            Try paying attention to how you breathe, NIP. I cannot overstate the importance of the breath on our quality of life. To me, it is the most essential component to living this incredible, miraculous gift that we have all been bestowed. It is ultimately up to each of us to maximize our potential while we are alive, and this begins with the simplest of requirements—oxygen. By being mindful of the breath, we are apt to begin using the dirgha technique almost instinctively. In time you may find that breathing is a sort of panacea for all of life’s perceived ills; whether boredom, stress, anxiety, fear, lack of energy or imagination, breathing deeply and mindfully brings us back to our center of gravity, back to our mental safe harbor. From this place we can contend with all of life’s challenges on our own ground and feel secure in knowing that the most essential need of life is all around us—let us draw strength and serenity from it together.

Keep breathing, NIP.

- Ryan