Magnum Opus

Greetings NIP,

            Today is my fifth wedding anniversary. Erin and I are having a fairly low-key celebration by going out to dinner. My students were asking me yesterday about what I was going to get her for our special day, and they were shocked to discover that I hadn’t purchased her a gift. Though I didn’t get her flowers or any other material good that can be purchased in a store, I did give her something tangible. When she gets the mail today, she will receive a 3 page letter I wrote during our spring vacation. I thought a great deal about what I wanted to tell her, which was much more difficult than I had anticipated. Some feelings cannot be conveyed with words, so I felt as if I was stumbling throughout the entire epistle. The time I took to reflect on the first five years of our marriage was instructive in that it made me realize how much I’ve grown as a person, a husband, and a teacher—all of which would have been impossible if it hadn’t been for her influence in my life. If anything, Erin’s belief in me helped me believe in myself, which is critical for creating the life you want to live, NIP. Are you living such a life? If not, why? Anyone can do this, to be honest. We can all craft our lives in a way that gives them meaning and purpose, but as I mentioned a few letters ago it takes patience and persistence to create our magnum opus, our “master work,” which is our life itself.

           

            I read a great book titled The Alchemist during Spring Break that has left me thinking about this idea a lot. Throughout the short novel the protagonist, a young shepherd from Spain, is constantly reminded to discover his “personal legend,” his critical role to play in life and the world. Other characters tell the boy that each and every one of us has a personal legend, but it often goes unfulfilled because we let others tell us that trying to achieve our dreams is impossible. They also go on to tell him that it’s often a matter of paying attention to what life is telling us from moment to moment, as it is often trying to help us realize said dreams. The problem, however, is that we disregard these intuitions because we rationalize how impractical they are—which is exactly where we go wrong…

           

            I can easily relate to this because for the longest time I completely ignored my own intuitive hunches about situations that have presented themselves throughout my life. In my cynical youth, I would talk myself out of doing this or that—even things that would have been better for me in the long run—because I was sure my rationalization was correct. Now that I’m older (and one would hope wiser), I am not too quick to dismiss my intuitive thoughts and feelings on certain subjects. I am open to exploring them now because when I do everything seems to fall into place. Just as in the book, if we are willing to make a good faith effort with every opportunity that presents itself we often are pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Things eventually did begin to work in my favor, as if life was somehow complicit in these outcomes. The bottom line, NIP, is that we should never be afraid to listen to our intuitions. They are often directly connected to our dreams and what we’d like to accomplish with our lives. We can discover our own destinies by listening to intuition and not limiting our opportunities for personal growth. Don’t be afraid to dream, and don’t be afraid to follow through on them, even if the whole world thinks your pursuit impractical. Only when we pursue that which we are most passionate about can we truly become authentic human beings filled with purpose. When we do so, it is then our obligation to share this with others and inspire them with our masterpiece, our life itself.

           

            When I began writing these letters nearly two years ago, one of the first posts was “Top Ten Secrets”; it listed ten brief statements that have helped shape my life over the past few years. Number 1 on that list is “keep chipping away” because I had compared our individual lives to works of art. Your life, NIP, is a work of art if you choose to see it that way. Each day we wake we’re given another chance to work on our magnum opus, to sculpt our lives into what we want them to be. No two works of art will ever be the same, but in pursuing this ideal I believe we achieve something similar to the idea of “personal legend” found within the pages of The Alchemist. And though you wield the hammer and chisel and give shape to your life through the choices you make, others are helping you whether you realize it or not. I am grateful for all of the changes that I have successfully made to my life—none of which would have been possible without the love and support of my family, friends, colleagues, and students—but I am only just beginning to discern the shape of my life’s work. Sculpting anything is a slow, arduous process, even more so when it’s your own life, but it’s worth the effort. The other beautiful idea behind the sculpting metaphor is that there is no need to worry about mistakes. We all make mistakes in the form of bad choices, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be fixed. A sculptor would merely buff them out before picking up the hammer and chisel again. Never give up on your dreams, NIP. Some people will wonder what you’re working on, only to walk away puzzled. People think I’m a little crazy, and that’s just fine. It’s fine because I know deep down that I am really happy and seem to be more and more fulfilled each day. Creating our magnum opus is a lifelong process. If you have put down your chisel and hammer, NIP, maybe it’s time to pick them up again. It’s never too late to chase down your dreams and fulfill your personal legend.

Keep chipping away at your magnum opus!

Ryan

La Familia Es Todo

 NIP,

            While speaking with my brother Brad on the phone yesterday, the conversation turned to our other brother, Greg. Though we are different in many ways, the one common trait that we all share is that we’re driven. We’re determined to find a solution to any situation, even when one doesn’t seem evident. Brad and I discussed how we became this way and the best answer we could agree upon was simple and straightforward: our upbringing, our family. This left me thinking about how crucial family is and how it shaped me into who I am. At one point in my reflections, the title of this letter popped into my head because it was a poignant line spoken by Hector Salamanca, a character on AMC's Breaking Bad; it means “family is everything,” a sentiment I now share yet took me more than 30 years to truly appreciate.

            If you had asked me 25 years ago at age 11, the boy I was at that time was disillusioned with family. My parents were on the verge of a then-bitter divorce, but as a child I didn’t—perhaps couldn’t—comprehend their reasons. To me all I saw was a family imploding. Perhaps it was this time period that planted the seeds of my cynical worldview that I carried as my own personal cross, coloring my (mis)perceptions in the process. As I began to see my life and the world differently after meeting Erin, I realized the error I had made so long ago—I had let my heart become calcified. It took wedding my wonderful wife to teach me that it wasn’t the institution of marriage that I distrusted, but my own capacity to love. As I learned to open up my heart again, it helped me realize that the divorce that I saw so much as a curse when I was 11 turned out to be one of the greatest blessings of my life. I have two sets of parents, Dad and Kim, and Mom and Gerry. While Dad and Mom might not have been right for one another, the people they ended up with certainly are. Erin’s parents are divorced, too, so I have multiple in-laws as well. I’ve also gained brothers and sisters by way of marriage, and all of them have also contributed to my life in many ways.

            While my immediate family has certainly shaped me into who I am becoming, the same is true for my extended family as well. My Godparents were instrumental in seeing me through at two crucial points in my life: the summer of the divorce, when their home was a safe haven in tumultuous times; and when I dug myself into deep debt in my late teens, during which they instilled the values of hard work and thrift. My other aunts and uncles taught me responsibility, as I was the oldest grandchild and the go-to babysitter for many of my younger cousins. My grandmothers instructed me in the art of patience, even in acts as simple as stirring a couple of ice cubes into hot soup as Mémère Ward used to do. Now that many of my cousins are grown and married, I see the love that has been instilled in them being passed on to the next generation as they have children of their own whom they nurture and teach in turn. It is for all these things and more that I thank and celebrate my family. They have had a helping hand in who I am becoming and for that I will always have a tremendous debt of gratitude that I hope one day I can repay in some way or another.

            I think what’s more important about family is what it teaches us—how to love. My sister-in-law, Joie, once remarked that we are lucky to have come from such a good family that strengthens one another. I understood her point and I think it underscores how fortunate I have been to have won the family lottery in some sense. As a teacher, though, I know that we all learn from examples and non-examples alike; perhaps even those of us who come from families that aren’t as strong or close will still learn how to love in time because they’ve unfortunately learned what love is not. I believe in the capacity for any single one of us to render great change in our lives if we are willing to make consistent efforts. It certainly has been made possible and easier in my life by the family into which I was born. And while there is no way for us to ever repay the generosity of our forebears, the best way we can try to do so is by paying it forward. The love that my family has shown me is best reflected in the love that I have for others, whether my wife, parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, students, strangers or anyone else. While family teaches us how to love, it cannot stop there. We must learn to widen the circle to encompass everyone else with whom we come into contact. Not only will this help us become better individuals, but it will help us become a better global community by integrating the lives of others into our own and recognizing the value of interdependence.

            Brad may be right that he, Greg, and I are all driven. But we might not have been this way had we not been born into such a copious, caring clan. I’ve achieved several awards this year that never would have happened had it not been for the constant support, encouragement, and love of my family. Though I don’t often have the time or means to visit and spend quality time with them (especially my RI family), I think of them fondly and often. If anything, I want them all to know that each in his or her own way has made an indelible contribution to who I am and the better person I know I am capable of becoming. It is directly because of your influence that I have learned to let go of my cynical worldview and a past that I once viewed as a burden. The wisdom I accrued over the years has taught me to be positive and to believe in myself and my ability to effect change in my life and the lives of others. For all of these reasons and so many more, I sincerely thank each and every member of my family. Know that I will do my best to always live out the lessons you have taught me—especially the most important lesson of all…how to love.

Be thankful for your family, NIP, they’ve helped make you who you are.

- Ryan

Twin Pillars: Patience and Persistence

Dear NIP,

            With all the recent traffic to the blog over the last few days due to the release of HealthyState.org’s article, I’ve decided to pen an extremely brief blurb about the blog and its aims. More than anything, I began this blog two years ago to reach out to others who want to accomplish their goals, whether they are weight-loss or personal growth oriented. If you’re a first time visitor and want to read letters that address weight loss/physical health, then I would check out letters such as Genesis, Exodus, or The Land of Milk and Honey; if you’d like to read some that address the more philosophical aspects of living life to the fullest, then you might want to read letters like Strive, Gratitude for the Here and Now, or May the Blessings Be (or check out the "Popular Posts" on the left-hand side below).

            The other reason I wanted to write this short note is to post the radio interview that aired on WUSF the afternoon of 3/1. Though we talked for more than 40 minutes, the interview is only 4 ½ in length. Don’t get me wrong, Dalia did an excellent job putting it together, but if there were one additional thing I wish had been left in the edited version was what I said at the tail end of the interview: patience and persistence. To me, these are the twin pillars upon which all of our personal development must stand. I had remarked during the interview that I feel that’s the biggest mistake others make is establishing unrealistic goals (or perhaps timelines within which they expect to achieve said goal). I’ve had people ask me, “if I want to lose 25 lbs. in a month, how can I do it?” While there are ways it can be done, they often involve taking short cuts—and short cuts only backfire in the long run. We are better off by applying ourselves a little more each day, building momentum and willpower that will eventually begin to create a snowballing of personal progress. As this momentum gains traction, you’ll find it gets much easier to turn away from temptations that once got the best of you. But it won’t happen overnight. My journey began nearly 15 years ago and it took lots of learning before I even really grasped at what I was trying to do—allow my life to flourish to its maximum capacity. Granted, this never would have been possible without Erin. If she’s “the bedrock of my being,” it is upon this foundation that I have erected the twin pillars of patience and persistence.

            If you’re not a patient and persistent person, NIP, then these would be the first two attributes I would try to cultivate each day. Don’t be discouraged when you backslide, we all lose our grip from time to time during the toughest climb of our lives. But just as I said in the interview, if I can do this, anyone can. In one of the earliest letters my last secret to a successful life is to “keep chipping away.” Our lives are individual works of art and we are the sculptors holding the hammer and chisel. With patience and persistence as our guiding hands, our magnum opus can be wrought. Thanks for stopping by and checking out the blog. I hope that in some of these letters you can find some reassurance and inspiration to institute the changes you want to make in your own life.

Patience and persistence, NIP, are the keys to any goal you want to accomplish...

- Ryan  

Meet Ryan Haczynski, Voted Tampa Bay's Healthiest Person from HealthyState.org on Vimeo.

Sweet Santosha

Salve NIP,

            I hope everything in your life is going well. Though I’m exhausted and eagerly awaiting the coming spring break from school, I have no real complaints to lodge. Life just keeps surprising me and it only seems to get better. Not only was I selected to be my school’s Teacher of the Year, I recently received the title of Healthiest Person in Tampa Bay from HealthyState.org. I hope that when the story airs on the radio and debuts online that it will help others realize that they too can achieve their goals, whether they be weight-loss or personal growth oriented. As with any worthwhile pursuit, it takes patience and persistence. Now that Erin and I are certified yoga instructors, our new project for this year is to learn Spanish together. Nosotros estámos aprendiendo español y estudiamos diario. We did about 45 minutes worth of studying today, on top of taking Cleo on a couple of nice walks, running a few errands, and doing work for school. Much of the time today I kept reflecting on how genuinely happy I am. But the more I reflected on my happiness, the more I realized it was directly related to my contentedness.

            If you had asked me 15 years ago, I would have told anyone that the worst thing in the world one could possibly be is “content.” In my youth, I equated being content with lying down and dying, that contentment meant giving up. Happiness, as the Founding Fathers had informed me, was to be pursued. There was no guarantee that I would ever receive it, but it is a necessary part of the struggle. Now that I’m “40ish”—as my beautiful wife dubbed me the other day—I think the pursuit is misleading. It seems that happiness is a by-product of pursuing greater ends and, all told, not much of a pursuit at all. If anything, it seems that happiness is a lot more easily found if we are willing to sit still. My happiness has grown incalculably from becoming more content with my life each and every day. The most absurd part of it all is that the less I want, the more I have. Once I learned to appreciate the abundance in my life, my contentment—and by extension my happiness—began to truly bloom. One of the niyamas or “personal observances” on the yogic path is santosha, which is often translated as satisfaction or contentment. To me, it is the most important of the five because without it we can never achieve even a moment of mental clarity. Our culture constantly bombards us with messages that if we don’t have this or that we are utter failures in one sense or another, but it is our job to always remind ourselves that we already have untold wealth in other forms.

            If I were to enumerate all of the things that I have that are directly responsible for my contentment, none of them would be things at all. Not in a material sense, at any rate. I am married to an incredible woman who is “the bedrock of my being,” as I recently told her in a poem I wrote for Valentine’s; I have an amazing family who continually supports me in all that I do; I have an awesome job at a great school, one that supplies me each year with a fresh batch of young minds with whom I do my best to positively influence; I have a great schedule that allows me to discuss issues that I am most passionate about. I’m sure the list could go on for much longer, but you probably understand by now. As I share with my AP Human Geography students almost every day, we live in a developed country and so we really shouldn’t complain when we don’t get what we want because almost every single one of us has what we need. Heck, if you’re reading this right now, it means you’re online and have access to a computer—something that 75% of the people around the world can’t do because they’re still practicing subsistence agriculture to feed their families. The curious thing about those people, though, is how happy they are. Perhaps they know no better because they don’t live in a consumption based economy (yet), but they sure know how to focus on what they do have: clothing on their backs, a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and love in their family.

            What more could we ask for, NIP? Nothing. And it’s not because there aren’t other things (whether intangible or material) that can enhance our lives—it’s because asking is in essence wanting, and wanting only prohibits the fostering of contentment. Focus on what truly matters in your life and constantly work on reducing what you perceive as a “need.” Thoreau’s dictum of “Simplify! Simplify!” has spurred me on for the last few years, always leaving me to ponder, “what else can I eliminate from my routine?” The more I strip away the frivolities, the more I recognize the abundance in my life from which I had been distracted. A lot of people want to be rich but they don’t realize that they already are. It doesn’t take much. Just a willingness to cultivate our sense of contentment by constantly being grateful for what we have. Believe me, happiness will pursue you.

In gratitude,

- Ryan

Slow Down

How’ve you been, NIP?

            It’s been a while since I last discussed physical health, and I wanted to do so today because of the interest in “The H Diet.” A couple of months ago, our school newspaper did a feature on me in an effort to promote healthy lifestyle choices. Since that time, many co-workers and students who have heard about “The H Diet” (that’s what the student journalist titled her piece) but missed the article have asked me what the diet entails. And while the list is actually quite short, it’s not so much about what I do or don’t eat—although that is a crucial aspect to some degree—it’s more about taking the time to invest in better eating habits in a number of ways. The easiest way for me to describe the secret to the way I eat is simple and can be expressed in two words: slow down.

            The first step to making this commitment is realizing that changing one’s diet isn’t about a short-term weight loss goal but rather a long-term health commitment. By and large Americans hear the word diet and think it is a tool to shed those unwanted pounds for aesthetic value. While this certainly affects our self-image, it’s perhaps best to focus primarily on our health instead of our weight. If you’re in for the long haul and want to better your eating habits overall, losing the weight will come naturally. As I mentioned in a much older letter (“Exodus”), the more I learned about agribusiness and our industrialized food system, the more I eliminated certain ingredients from my diet. Therefore, “The H Diet” is simple in the sense that there are three “must avoids”: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Oils, and Enriched Flour. If you want to know why those are so bad for you, NIP, just consult the aforementioned letter. The other items on the list are the “try-to avoids”: artificial flavors, artificial sweeteners, artificial colors…basically anything artificial. So how does slowing down help us? By reading labels. The first step I always suggest to anyone is to begin reading labels. If it has any one of the three “must avoids,” just eliminate it from your diet. Yes, this means you’ll probably never be able to open a bag or a box again and start munching, but most of those foods that are highly processed are only empty calories anyway. The other tip that I have in this regard is that if it has more than 5 ingredients (except for complex carbs like breads or pastas), you probably don’t want to eat it. People often scoff at this idea asking “what does that leave me to eat?” Primarily a whole foods diet, really. You know, stuff that grows out of the ground rather than being made on an assembly line.

            The second step to slowing down is taking the time to plan and prepare your meals.  Far too many people rely on fast food. Not only is it extremely detrimental to your health, it impacts your wallet too. Most people believe that fast food is cheap and convenient when in actuality it’s neither. I’ve done the math and on an average day Erin and I eat 3 good meals with snacks in between each of those meals for a total of $15 or under. A couple could easily spend that much on two “value” meals at a fast food restaurant—and that’s only one meal! Additionally, preparing meals allows you to have leftovers, which typically translates to an even lower food bill. Many naysayers tell me that they simply “don’t have the time” to which I counter with “if it’s important enough to you, you’ll find the time.” The fiscal part of the equation, though, wins over a lot of people—especially people living on a strict budget. The other refutation I often hear is that eating organic food is too expensive. Again, this is a fallacy for several reasons, not the least of which is conventional food is effectively subsidized by all taxpayers, only rendering the illusion of it costing less. Most Americans eat far too many calories as it is, and if one were to eat the right proportions and eliminate wasteful spending on junk/snack/highly processed foods eating organic foods can fit within most budgets. Plus, as I always tell my students, you can still make better choices with conventionally produced food (e.g. why not have an apple rather than a bag of Cheetos?).

            The third step is my favorite: it’s actually slowing down while you eat. Not only will this allow your stomach time to send the “I’m full” signal to your brain, but you’ll end up eating less food overall. But more importantly, if you’re eating mindfully it’s a much more enjoyable experience. Many psychologists and nutritionists agree that the vast majority of eating disorders stem from stress and/or emotions. Americans turn to food for a sense of comfort rather than fuel. But you can have both, to be honest. While I primarily see it as fuel, I take comfort in food too. In fact, I relish just about every bite I eat—especially my peanut butter and honey on whole wheat sandwich. Without fail, I eat this every single day during the workweek for lunch. Not only is it inexpensive (about 85 cents per sandwich, I’ve calculated it), it’s filling and delicious. I usually begin my lunch by taking a few deep breaths and thinking about the sandwich, admiring the texture of the wheat bread, the aroma of the sandwich as a whole, and considering all that made the sandwich possible—from the sun that grew the wheat, the farmers who raised the peanuts, the beekeepers who procured the honey from the hives, to the delivery people who bring it to the store. This entire web of interconnectivity makes me deeply grateful for a simple sandwich and only enhances the experience when I take that first bite. A student caught me looking at my sandwich in this way one day before eating it and he asked me if I was saying grace. I responded with “sort of” and told him about mindful eating and since that time he said he’s been doing it too. Even something as simple as slowing down while we’re eating can make all the difference.

            We live in a society that is always scurrying around looking for quick fixes, but the real remedy is to actually take our time. Slowing down is not only crucial for our eating habits, but our overall health as well. Changing one’s diet should be a gradual process because healthy living is a long term goal, not something that can be found in a pill or a frozen Lean Cuisine entrée. Students, co-workers, friends, and family have seen my before and after photos (you can see them on the “Genesis” letter) and cannot believe how different I look. What I wish I could truly share, however, is how I feel physically. Once I gave up eating fast food and highly processed “food” completely, I noticed a tremendous difference in the way I felt. It’s hard to put into words what eating well can do for you, NIP, so I’ll leave you with the same challenge I give to anyone else—try it. Try to slow down for 30 days by eliminating those ingredients, preparing your own meals, and taking the time to appreciate your food while consuming it. The people who have gone on to actually change their diet for a month all told me how much better they felt. See for yourself—what else have you got to lose?

Here’s to your health, NIP!

- Ryan